shootdoctorallen asked: For the meme: Wilma and Helen! Also Happy Birthday!
OH DANG, this will be fun! Thank you so, so much for asking, seriously thank you so much! 8’D
Who would win in a fight:
Helen! While Wilma is an extraordinarily powerful being, no Walker could ever interact with the Morrigan-forged metal that Helen is made of. While Wilma has vast abilities that dwarf many, many beings on the physical scale, Morrigan metal cannot be broken down on a molecular scale. No matter what Wilma can do to others, she cannot harm the metal. She can teleport it, maybe, but Helen could always find a way back. Despite the God-like powers of Wilma, Helen is just one that she literally could not harm. Such as with Wilma towards Citizen, she can harm the man, but she cannot harm the helmet. Helen’s power grows as the Moments series continues, allowing her to absolutely have the upper hand against Wilma if this fight ever occurred. Wilma could slow down Helen, but truly getting her broken down would be nearly impossible.
Who would be a better roommate:
Oh dang, that’s a good one! Helen would be good cleanliness-wise. She doesn’t require a bed, and could honestly just have a broom closet as her room. She doesn’t require sleep nor anything of the sort, so she may honestly just reside on the kitchen counter if she ever decided she wanted to rest. She doesn’t need to/can’t eat, so there wouldn’t be cost with food, and she is pretty reliable when it comes to chores, paying rent, etc. Mostly, she would be relatively well when it comes to extra expenses, space, and everything of the sort. She would cook for you from time to time, despite her disability when it comes to eating, along with getting random gifts and such every so often if she actually gave a shit about you. However, there is also the negativity, the constant clinginess, and the several degrees of physical torment she may put you through, whether she or you like it or not. She would be good at most things, as she’d be considerate towards whomever is living with her, but you must understand one thing: you would have to spend time with her. If you’re living with her, you’re also going to be her greatest friend. And that may or may not be a death-sentence. You’re not allowed to invite anyone else over, you’re not allowed to go out, unless it’s with her. You’re hers and hers alone. And you must be okay with that.
Wilma would be sort of…inconsiderate. Wilma is literally the God of all Gods, the “Overseer” of the gleaming Walker race. This gives her a good amount of narcissism, along with some constant pride. As many friends as she proclaims that she has, she does not treat them as equals. No matter what you are to her, she will always use her title as Overseer as being far “mightier” than whatever the hell you are. If you’re a human, or mortal in any way, know that you will hear of that. Multiple, multiple times. You are not only a shaved ape to her, you are also glorified cattle. You are livestock, you are nothing. And while- if you are sharing a living space with her- there is a good chance she will be slightly more courteous towards you. But then again, she must like you. That is, don’t tell her what to do. Don’t ask her to do things. Don’t expect her to do anything. Allow her to do shit on her own time, and there is a good chance that she will. While she may be an near-constant presence within your life if you SHARE something like a living space with her, there is a good chance that over time, she will warm up to you. While you may be a servant, she may give half of a shit about you. And considering that this is Wilma, that’s saying something. She may make a mess, and she may be a nuisance from time-to-time due to her personality, she could be a good roommate. Over time. If you just ignore her long enough.
Who’s better in bed:
OH GOD. OH GOOOODDDDD. Oh god. WELL, Helen cannot have sex. She simply cannot have sex whatsoever. Helen has no vaginal opening, no anus, and no oral opening. Helen’s mouth is simply drawn on, and she has no private parts visible upon her body. Along with not having the parts required, Helen has no sensitivity within that area, nor most parts of her body. Despite having a sexual drive, Helen does not have the physical ability to give nor receive sex. Even if she were to do something with her hands, there is an incredible chance it would physically harm the receiver, as her joints would most likely snag skin. Also, she may break or rip something with the strength factor, so there’s that. Helen also is asexual, so she doesn’t really crave or want sex in any way whatsoever. She’s honestly unfazed by any of it, and is too disgusted by most organic life to even feel attraction.
Wilma on the other hand would be much, much better, however. That’s if you could get over her narcissism, her depravity, and tendency to criticize people. There’s a massive amount of reasons that you would WANT to fuck her, yet there are many reasons as to why you wouldn’t want to touch her with a 39-and-a-half-foot pole. However, just going to skill alone, Wilma has far, far more ability than Helen. Wilma has had a massive amount of experience, such as having sex with servants, lovers, etc. She could just GIVE herself the skill, or do things that you’ve never even seen before. She can shapeshift, so there is the ability to become nearly any form that you would deem fit for the occasion. She’s limber, she’s strong, though fairly dominant. The thing about Wilma, she’s nearly up for anything, almost no matter what it is. To where Helen would need to have an emotional connection to begin even HUGGING you, Wilma is up to do what she likes, and she will do it 12 times a day if she finds it acceptable.
Who I’d pick as my Presidential running mate:
WILMA, OH GOD WILMA.
Helen CAN be a very nice person if she tries. But the thing is, she doesn’t try! As much as Helen can be the nicest person you will ever meet, she may be that way towards YOU. And by “YOU,” I mean HUDSON. Helen isn’t the biggest fan of human affairs, and she isn’t the biggest fan of humans. Hell, if she had to help you in any way other than make a poster or something, she may get stressed out and snap at you. Helen pretty much only handles what she enjoys, and helping you out in something as “pointless” as a presidential running is not on her list of things she enjoys. She follows this “list” thoroughly, as she will not do ANYTHING that is not listed. No matter how much she likes you, she will not help with something like that. But, that’s probably a good thing, because if she had to stand by you while you gave a speech in front of a bunch of people, she’d probably attempt to mess you up just so she doesn’t have to do it any longer.
Wilma- on the other hand- is the GOD of gods. Wilma is their queen, their savior, their overseer. And while she is a Walker- a massive race known for its arrogance, yet amazing power- she knows how to rule over people. While she doesn’t rule like a dictator, and while she doesn’t rule like a listener to the people, Wilma knows what she’s doing, and it’s doing fairly well. She knows that she is unrivaled by all but one being, and she knows that all that she rules over fear her. And she knows what they fear most of all. Wilma is not the ruler of a tyrannical race, but an aware one. And she is fully aware that she is above all. However, even with her awesome power, Wilma is a creature of unmatched vision and range. Whether you like it or not, she KNOWS you. And she is going to use that knowledge until she wins, or until she dies.
She gets fuckin’ PASSIONATE.
Whose shoulder I’d cry on:
While Helen can- at many, many times- be very insensitive, demanding, and just…terrible, she is a very, very good person if it comes to your emotions. If Helen is affectionate towards you, she cares about you. And the fact that she even gives half of a shit about anyone is a very surprising thing. Helen will actually be there to comfort you, to talk to you, and to help you know what you need to do in order to feel better. However, she would help you until you felt better 110%, and she would stay with you until she simply couldn’t anymore. She would talk to you, she would hug you, and she would make sure that she comforted you in every possible way. She would read books, articles, or pretty much anything she possibly could to figure out how to help you properly. She would just be there for you, mostly, and she would make sure that she helped you on a personal level.
Wilma, on the other hand, wouldn’t be that much help. While Wilma isn’t heartless on that deep of a level, she’s just kind of distant. While she can be rather cruel, if she likes you, she will attempt to comfort you in any way she could. However, this wouldn’t be done in the best way, as she may not get onto a personal level. She would simply attempt to talk to you in the best way that she could- and while her help CAN be rather well-seated, it can also be seen as awkward. She may be helping you for a minute, and then say something wildly inappropriate for the situation at hand, and then she would feel the need to restart again. And that may or may not be very good for the person being comforted. Wilma CAN be helpful, but it’s just sort of deadpan, and sometimes wildly separate from what you would want.
Who would be a better parent:
While Helen can be very, very kind to those that she enjoys (and by “those,” I mean Hudson), she isn’t the largest fan of people in general. Helen is completely unable to have children, let alone have sex in general, so if she had to have a baby, it would be human. This would be a problem, as Helen has an extraordinarily unhealthy disgust towards humanity, along with 99.9999% of living things. While there is always the chance that she would eventually warm up to it in due time, there is always the chance that she wouldn’t whatsoever. Quite honestly, there are a number of scenarios in which this Helen parenting situation could presume as. 1) She completely forgets she has a child. 2) She warms up to it, becoming a wonderful mother. 3) She neglects it horribly, refusing to feed, bathe, and pay attention to it. Or 4) She flat-out kills the damn kid. That is not even an exaggeration in the slightest, as she may quite literally harm the child if it annoys her enough. She really doesn’t enjoy living beings.
Wilma, however- while not the greatest parent in the universe by any means- would try her best to do a well job with the occupation she has been given. While not particularly healthy enough to probably carry out the situation, Wilma would make sure she would give the child a stable, loving home. While she can be a tad narcissistic, nosey, attention-craving, and just plain-out diabolical- Wilma would find the situation that she is in to be somewhat of an honor, finding the child to be something of an heir, or possibly a new “gift,” as terrible as that wording is. Wilma would make sure that she taught the child proper manners, a well-seated way of life, all of those-type things. Wilma would make sure that the child is doing well, make sure everything is going okay, and making sure that she is doing everything possible to help. While Wilma can be a bit unbearable from time-to-time, she would truly, truly give effort if she were to have a child.
Neither one of them WANT kids, but you can decide who’s the worst of the two.
Who I’d rather date:
While neither one of them seem like people that anyone within their right mind would ever, ever want to date, out of the two- I would rather choose Helen. While Helen is a bit…not okay, if Helen gives at least a rat’s ass about you, she will fucking be with you until you simply whither and die. While she may be clingy and a tad outspoken, Helen will always, always be there for you. She can be interesting and funny, and she’d always want to get out of the house to go do something. She’s outspoken, but she would never want to embarrass you too much. She can be mean and argumentative from time to time, but she will often try to pull it back for your benefit. She mainly is just a very crude individual, but in any way that she acts with Hudson, that is the way I would like someone. She’s funny, she’s smart, and she tries to just make everything okay. She will make sure you know that she loves you with every fiber of her being, and she will make sure that you are always feeling well. If she says she loves you, she loves you. While she can be a bit off of the wall, she can be a total sweetheart, and if she is romantically attracted to you, then she will be the nicest person you could ever imagine.
Wilma, on the other hand, is pretty bad altogether. While both Wilma and Helen are pretty much on the same level when it comes to dealing with people (i.e. Having almost utmost hatred towards anyone that doesn’t fit a certain criteria), Wilma doesn’t change herself once she becomes involved with you. While she may lighten up in some simple way, it truly won’t be anything noticeable. It may be that she won’t call you “useless” much, or something of the sort. Wilma- despite how powerfully she may be infatuated with you- will not be kind to you. While she may do some things that are considered pretty damn kind (for example: she saves Citizen’s ass a multitude of time. It’s also implied she’s pretty much keeping his ugly as alive for the time being), there is no softer center underneath her hard shell. Wilma is narcissistic, vain, vengeful, malicious, and rather rude to boot. She’s almost unbearable when it comes to dealing with her. While she may be (SLIGHTLY) kinder to you than she is to others, she will not be there for you all of the time. She will not miss you. She will not smile when she sees you. You will be hers, and that is it. You’ll be sort of like a trained monkey, which is precisely how she sees most humans, especially the helmeted harlequin. That’s pushing it for me, haha.